The Most Important Lesson I Have Ever Learned

There are many lessons I've learned in this life-- always say your prayers, leave early when the weather is bad, don't leave chocolate in your pocket (especially not M&Ms--- not that I know that one from experience or anything...), etc. But there's one lesson that I've learned that continues to stay with me, and that I hope I never forget. There's a reason why it's cliché, why we've heard it a thousand times, and why it is still repeated anytime we're told to be thankful for what we have:

Cherish the loved ones you have today, because they could be gone tomorrow. 

This is something we often think we hear, but we really don't get until we lose someone we love. I know that it's something I'm still learning, even though I've been battered with loss of loved ones more than once. The incident that really made me learn my lesson was the death of my father, ten years ago to the day.

My Daddy was a constant in my life. He had limited office hours and worked from home a lot, so he was always around. I was definitely a "daddy's girl". He never had sons, but I feel as though I certainly filled some of the more stereotypical parts of the role. I would ask him to teach me how to use all of his tools, we threw the nerf football in the yard when he felt ok (back problems sometimes hindered normal physical activity), and I played sports. One thing remained the same, no matter what we did though- I loved spending time with my Daddy.

I remember the last interaction I had with him. We were engaging in our nightly ritual of watching TV together, my Daddy in his big chair, and me sitting on the arm curled up next to him. The shows were generally watched were somewhat violent, and not necessarily intended for a just-turned-13-year-old (for which Daddy received some scowling from Mom). Some of our favorites were Walker, Texas Ranger and Law and Order. We were discussing my concert scheduled for that Saturday. It was for jazz band, and I was going to perform my first solo in front of an audience. Normally he didn't attend my concerts because the metal chairs were hard on his back, but he was going to make this one. He was even going to bring my grandma. Needless to say, he never made it. 

I came home from school the next day and he was gone. He had a massive heart attack in his sleep. 

Gone in an instant, without warning.

There are no words for the amount of shock, pain, and surprise, that comes with the instantaneous loss of a such a huge part of your existence. I had always planned on Daddy being there, on him watching me grow up. And now, he wasn't going to experience any of that.

I was so sure he was going to plan on seeing me solo that weekend.

I hoped to make varsity tennis one day, and see him sitting on the sideline during a match.

I imagined him seeing me walk at my high school graduation, and at my college graduation.

I knew that, like every little girl, my Daddy would walk me down the aisle one day.

I even took for granted the jingle of the change in his pockets as he lumbered down the hall.

Well I didn't make the concert that weekend either. In a sweet gesture of condolence my band mates wore black armbands. I did make varsity tennis, but he never came to a match. He wasn't at my high school or college graduation. I put a charm with his picture on my wedding bouquet in his memory, but it was my wonderful, amazing mother who whisked her third daughter (me) down the aisle to the man of her dreams.

After 10 years, I still miss him every single day. We take most of our blessings for granted without even realizing it. Our last words to each other were, thankfully, loving. I don't know how I would handle it if I hadn't kissed him goodnight that night. Now, whenever I'm leaving someone I love, I always make sure to say "I love you", because I know in the back of my mind that I may not see them again. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I like to think that I'm just appreciative, and aware of the realities that face us in this life. I'm so thankful for all of the sweet memories I have of him, and that he got to see his little girl become a teenager. He taught me a lot while he was with us, but he also taught me the most important lesson I've ever learned. Again...

Cherish the loved ones you have today, because they could be gone tomorrow. 

I love you forever, Daddy. Rest in peace.