The Most Important Lesson I Have Ever Learned

There are many lessons I've learned in this life-- always say your prayers, leave early when the weather is bad, don't leave chocolate in your pocket (especially not M&Ms--- not that I know that one from experience or anything...), etc. But there's one lesson that I've learned that continues to stay with me, and that I hope I never forget. There's a reason why it's cliché, why we've heard it a thousand times, and why it is still repeated anytime we're told to be thankful for what we have:

Cherish the loved ones you have today, because they could be gone tomorrow. 

This is something we often think we hear, but we really don't get until we lose someone we love. I know that it's something I'm still learning, even though I've been battered with loss of loved ones more than once. The incident that really made me learn my lesson was the death of my father, ten years ago to the day.

My Daddy was a constant in my life. He had limited office hours and worked from home a lot, so he was always around. I was definitely a "daddy's girl". He never had sons, but I feel as though I certainly filled some of the more stereotypical parts of the role. I would ask him to teach me how to use all of his tools, we threw the nerf football in the yard when he felt ok (back problems sometimes hindered normal physical activity), and I played sports. One thing remained the same, no matter what we did though- I loved spending time with my Daddy.

I remember the last interaction I had with him. We were engaging in our nightly ritual of watching TV together, my Daddy in his big chair, and me sitting on the arm curled up next to him. The shows were generally watched were somewhat violent, and not necessarily intended for a just-turned-13-year-old (for which Daddy received some scowling from Mom). Some of our favorites were Walker, Texas Ranger and Law and Order. We were discussing my concert scheduled for that Saturday. It was for jazz band, and I was going to perform my first solo in front of an audience. Normally he didn't attend my concerts because the metal chairs were hard on his back, but he was going to make this one. He was even going to bring my grandma. Needless to say, he never made it. 

I came home from school the next day and he was gone. He had a massive heart attack in his sleep. 

Gone in an instant, without warning.

There are no words for the amount of shock, pain, and surprise, that comes with the instantaneous loss of a such a huge part of your existence. I had always planned on Daddy being there, on him watching me grow up. And now, he wasn't going to experience any of that.

I was so sure he was going to plan on seeing me solo that weekend.

I hoped to make varsity tennis one day, and see him sitting on the sideline during a match.

I imagined him seeing me walk at my high school graduation, and at my college graduation.

I knew that, like every little girl, my Daddy would walk me down the aisle one day.

I even took for granted the jingle of the change in his pockets as he lumbered down the hall.

Well I didn't make the concert that weekend either. In a sweet gesture of condolence my band mates wore black armbands. I did make varsity tennis, but he never came to a match. He wasn't at my high school or college graduation. I put a charm with his picture on my wedding bouquet in his memory, but it was my wonderful, amazing mother who whisked her third daughter (me) down the aisle to the man of her dreams.

After 10 years, I still miss him every single day. We take most of our blessings for granted without even realizing it. Our last words to each other were, thankfully, loving. I don't know how I would handle it if I hadn't kissed him goodnight that night. Now, whenever I'm leaving someone I love, I always make sure to say "I love you", because I know in the back of my mind that I may not see them again. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I like to think that I'm just appreciative, and aware of the realities that face us in this life. I'm so thankful for all of the sweet memories I have of him, and that he got to see his little girl become a teenager. He taught me a lot while he was with us, but he also taught me the most important lesson I've ever learned. Again...

Cherish the loved ones you have today, because they could be gone tomorrow. 

I love you forever, Daddy. Rest in peace.

Figuring it Out: Money

Money is something that everyone, at one point or another, has struggled with. Everyone has to deal with money, whether they love it or hate it. The unfortunate part is that some of us are not as good with their money as others. The interesting thing about money is that we all know what we should do with it, but we don't do as we know we should! I heard a message in church a month or so back, and the pastor stated an age old truth that seems to get me every time.

"The wise man and the foolish man both see trouble coming. It is the wise man who takes steps to avoid trouble, and the foolish man who stays the course."

... or something like that...

Anyway, money is SO easy to be foolish with it's crazy. With all of the temptations constantly surrounding us, and advertising permeating every corner of our existence (Facebook, Google searches, billboards, telemarketers, YouTube, yada yada yada), it's easy to see why we want to max out our credit cards.

In a culture where status is determined by what you drive, what you wear, how big your house is, and what logo is plastered all over the purse your carrying, spending almost seems mandatory. To earn respect from others, we're tempted to buy it. We're encouraged from a young age to chase the American dream, no matter what the cost, even if it's beyond our means.

As a result, Hubby and I have embarked on a money-saving journey, attempting to cut corners and reduce our cost of living where we can. By talking to more experienced grown-ups and reading a lot of books written by people who know stuff about money, I've gathered some tips that have been helpful to me and (hopefully) might be helpful to you! Here we go!

Budget, Budget, Budget

I think this is the part that is the most helpful, yet is enjoyed the least. I've found that money only comes up short when you're surprised. Bills don't "just come up" if you plan for them ahead of time. If you know how much you make, and you know how much you spend, you won't be surprised and you'll always know where your money is going. 

Save, Save, Save

As much as we may plan ahead, life does occasionally surprise us with things that we can't plan on--- a flat tire, a clogged sewer for which we have to pay the plumber, the fridge breaks, etc. Typically it's those BIG things that break or go wrong that are the biggest surprises, and the ones we're often least prepared for. Just as we can budget for the known (water bill, car payment, etc.), we can also budget for the unknown by having an emergency fund.

If you're a follower of Dave Ramsey, you know that the first thing he says to do is save $1000. This way, while you're on your way to paying down credit cards and other debt, you aren't set back by having to put that new fridge or tire on plastic. Personally, even since we've just saved a few hundred dollars, I have felt much more secure knowing we have something to fall back on. A couple of emergencies depleted our savings a couple of months ago, so when we had no buffer I was always stressing about it. The piece of mind I get for putting money in the bank is well worth the pain of not spending our hard-earned money.

Buy in Bulk

While it might seem counterintuitive to spend more money to save money, it does work over time. Lately, I've been stocking up on the groceries that are on sale and, as a result, have seen a reduction in price on my meals. I also have to buy less of the things we need week-to-week. It may not seem like we're saving much up front, but saving a little on several different things really adds up. 

For example, we just bought a 275 load box of detergent for $12.99 (normally $25.99). If we bought the 150 oz. (90 load) jumbo Tide liquid detergent from Walmart, it would be $15.97. The box will last us about three times longer than the Tide, and it was about three dollars cheaper! So instead of paying almost 18 cents a load, I'm paying less than 5 cents per load. 

In a society of instant gratification, we would rather buy something we don't need at 50% off than pay more up front for something we know we'll use, even if it saves us money in the long run. 

Don't Tempt Yourself

I believe the hardest part of being smart with our money is actually doing what we plan on doing. Temptation is around every corner, and down every sale aisle. At the grocery store, I make sure I go with a list and buy only what is on the list. Granted, sometimes I'm bad and buy chips and salsa when I don't need them, but I spend waaaay less than when I go without a plan. Browsing in stores "just to look around" is also pretty dangerous. Some can actually go into a store and not buy anything, others come out with a new wardrobe before they can say,"Oh look it's on clearance!" You know your level of self-control, so use that knowledge to keep yourself away from situations where you know you'll spend money.

Use Cash

It sounds a little silly, especially when technology has gifted us with the convenience of a debit card. However, when we use cash, there is a tangible, very real sense of how much we're spending. There's no delay in when things post to your account, so the gas you got three days ago can't sneak up on you. I also find it a little easier to budget when I can put cash in different envelopes for gas, groceries, etc. We always draw bills from the account, since paying electronically goes through quicker than a check. Using the envelope system also helps to limit spending.

Don't Pay Full Price for ANYTHING

Obviously, there are some things you need that are never discounted. However, with a little planning ahead, you can get what you need for less. Here are some ways to save money that I've gleaned from both literature and personal experience:

-Buy things out of season, especially expensive things like coats and bathing suits, and holiday items. Buy you Christmas tree after Christmas, your Halloween stuff right after it goes on clearance, etc.

-Buy things USED. Everybody has too much stuff, and they're always trying to get rid of it. We've bought a washer and dryer, used it, and then sold it again for profit later. Craigslist and local facebook classifieds are awesome for finding things cheap!

-Watch your grocery ads and plan your meals around them, especially if it's meat that is on sale. Meat often accounts for a big chunk of the average grocery bill.

-Buy from the clearance rack, thrift stores, and discount clothing stores. It may take you more time to find what you need, but it's well worth it in the end.

-Plan ahead. If there's something you know you're going to need, save for it, and then wait for it to go on sale.

-Don't finance. There are certain things, like a house or car, that you may have to take a loan out for, but usually financing something like a new TV will only bite you later if you can't get it paid off in time. You don't know what money you'll have in the coming months, but you always (hopefully) know what you have now.

And Finally...

Of all the money-saving advice and tips I've gathered, it's important to remember that discipline is required to reap the benefits of smart spending. We have to learn to say two things:

No. 

&

Not right now.

It seems that every time I utter these words (and follow through with action) I save money. When I see a shirt on sale and I say no, I only feel remorse until I walk out of the store. "AW MAN!" suddenly becomes "Oh well!" and it feels good. I know how to save money, but the choice to be wise or foolish is completely up to me. 

In 2014, I hope to be wise!