I would watch the occasional episode of "Say Yes to the Dress", and casually scroll past everyone's wedding boards on Pinterest, but I never made my own board or actively delved into wedding culture until I was planning my very own wedding.
The first thing I think about weddings these days?
Like everything else, societal expectations of a "good" wedding are ridiculous.
If Pinterest, wedding blogs, magazines, and TV shows are any indication, one has to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars and have every little detail flawless to have a "perfect" wedding. Anything less, and your special day just won't be special. To highlight the most prominent parts of a wedding, those make-or-break details, I'll go over just a few things that especially bother me about today's wedding culture.
*NOTE: I'm not saying that you shouldn't spend money on your own wedding. If you want to spend your whole life savings so that you can have a fancy wedding, that's totally cool. What's NOT cool is when society says that you HAVE to spend thousands of dollars to have a wedding worth anyone else's time.
*NOTE: I'm not saying that you shouldn't spend money on your own wedding. If you want to spend your whole life savings so that you can have a fancy wedding, that's totally cool. What's NOT cool is when society says that you HAVE to spend thousands of dollars to have a wedding worth anyone else's time.
The Dress
What the Wedding Industry thinks: What you're wearing the day of your wedding is (probably) the most important part. If your dress doesn't have a huge price tag, or if it's not the most gorgeous thing anyone has ever seen, it's sub-par.
What I think: Personally, I think the dress is pretty important. Is it as important as the fact that you're marrying the love of your life? Absolutely not. But it certainly is something to take time deciding on. In my book, as long as the dress meets the following criteria, it's perfect for YOU. Not for a fashion magazine or the Knot, but for YOU personally.
1) It needs to fit. This sounds pretty obvious but you wouldn't believe how many women buy dresses thinking they're going to be a different size by the wedding day, or compromise on fit because they like the dress. If it doesn't fit, it won't look as good, and it won't be comfortable enough to do the Macarena in. Sorry.
2) It needs to be in YOUR price range. As much as the wedding industry would like to make you think that, like your mate in life, there is only ONE perfect dress, there isn't. You have multiple shirts you own that you like, right? It might be easier to find one you like for $3,000 at a boutique where someone is recommending things they know will fit your body-type. However, skimming through racks at a trunk show or discount boutiques might provide a cheaper answer to your quest, even if it takes more time.
3) YOU have to like it. If it's one thing the Industry has right, the bride (and groom) are always right. If everyone else likes a dress, but you don't, it's not good enough. As women, we are our own greatest critics. Everyone is going to think you look gorgeous no matter what dress you put on. It's how YOU feel in it that matters.
The Photos
What the Wedding Industry thinks: If your photos aren't pinterest perfect, you won't remember your wedding. If you don't have every cute pose in the book, your memories will be tarnished forever and you'll regret it.
What I think: Is it important to document your wedding day? Absolutely. You want those pictures to show your kids and grandkids one day. For that reason, you want SOMEONE assigned to taking pictures. After all, you don't want to be stuck behind a camera on your special day.
For some, it's worth paying $1,500 plus dollars for a wedding photographer with years of experience. However, you might be able to get the pictures you need from someone a little cheaper, say a friend or relative who's into photography. Below are some pictures that I took for a friend on her wedding day.
Now, if the best you can do is Grandma following you around with a disposable Kodak, you may want to consider saving the money to make sure every moment is captured and that pictures are the LAST thing you have to think about. After all, your job is to look beautiful in your pictures, not to worry about if they're being taken :)
For some, it's worth paying $1,500 plus dollars for a wedding photographer with years of experience. However, you might be able to get the pictures you need from someone a little cheaper, say a friend or relative who's into photography. Below are some pictures that I took for a friend on her wedding day.
Now, if the best you can do is Grandma following you around with a disposable Kodak, you may want to consider saving the money to make sure every moment is captured and that pictures are the LAST thing you have to think about. After all, your job is to look beautiful in your pictures, not to worry about if they're being taken :)
The Cake
What Wedding Culture says: You cake must be an incredibly intricate work of art assembled by professionals on-site and it must match your overall colors, theme and decor. Also, it must be the most delicious cake anyone has ever tasted. Ever.
What I think: While your cake is important, and it should most definitely be something that reflects you as a couple, it doesn't have to cost a fortune. In general, cake is pretty tasty. Ten years down the road, people probably won't remember that your cake was double Belgian Chocolate maple with cream cheese buttercream frosting. Will they remember that it was good or bad? Perhaps. What they will remember is how happy and beautiful you both were. Just know that it's ok it ask a friend to make a cake, or to ask a local grocery store to make cupcakes! Just remember- it doesn't have to be expensive or extravagant to be special.
Have you noticed a trend yet?
Lots of Money = Perfect Wedding
Sensible Choices = BIGGEST REGRET OF YOUR LIFE
...right...
The Music
What the Wedding Industry Says: Your two options are band or DJ. Period.
What I think: There are other options- iPod, or a computer, Or an orchestra comprised of penguins.
There are plenty of cheap/free software programs that will auto-fade music for you. Now, you may need someone to man the computer, just to make sure the right songs come on at the right time, but just know if you don't want to drop $900+ on music, there are other options. DJs are great, and bands are fun, but if you just don't have the money (or want things done a little differently) that's ok!
There are plenty of cheap/free software programs that will auto-fade music for you. Now, you may need someone to man the computer, just to make sure the right songs come on at the right time, but just know if you don't want to drop $900+ on music, there are other options. DJs are great, and bands are fun, but if you just don't have the money (or want things done a little differently) that's ok!
The Decorations
What the wedding industry says: Every inch of your glamorous venue must be meticulously decorated in order for your guests to be impressed and have a good time. If your wedding reception looks like a high school dance, people will leave.
What I think: You should decorate your venue however you want. If you want purple unicorns and gnomes all over, be my guest. It actually worked quite well for my friend
Éowyn's bridal shower ;)
Decorations certainly set the mood, but just remember: If someone forgets to hang a streamer, your wedding won't be ruined forever.
So there you have it. If you missed the overall message, the Wedding Industry wants you to think that you have to spend ALLLLL the dolla bills to have a fantastic day. However, some of the most amazing weddings I've been to were totally low budget.
Whatever the budget, just remember that the ultimate goal of the wedding is to marry the love of your life. If that goes well, it was a good day :)
